Two lessons ago I mentioned I would share a follow up story to go with my first day at Fan Expo, but then, in the last lesson, I didn’t actually share it. Does that make me a liar or someone who is adjusting to what life brings? As a parent, we regularly have to adjust things and kids can think we “lied” to them, but in a world where the only certainty is death (even Jesus died… He rose again, but that’s different), we need to be ready to make adjustments. As someone who wants to be seen as having integrity, I need to be careful what things I offer, threaten, and claim because I will need some type of follow through, which means keeping our word starts with what our “word” is. Sometimes life forces us to change what we say we’ll do, but we need to be careful to keep most of what we say happening. Otherwise, nothing we say will be taken seriously: “Yeah, I’m sure we’ll see you this weekend. You never show up.”
Aside: I apologize for not following through in sharing the story like I claimed I would (defining the problem in one sentence). In the future, I’ll be more intentional with what I claim and to follow through with it (one sentence for how I’ll be better). And that is how you make a proper apology: Define the problem in one sentence, and then offer how you’ll reduce the risk of it happening again. You’re welcome for me demonstrating a healthy apology for something that you probably couldn’t have cared less about. On the plus side, isn’t it refreshing when someone takes responsibility for something they’ve done wrong? Sometimes a great way to beat discouragement is to offer an apology. It can make us feel better as it shows we care. At the same time, we shouldn’t offer an apology for something that will hurt the other person. We shouldn’t apologize to feel better at the expense of the other person. Sometimes offering an apology is selfish because it lightens our own load by dumping it on the other person: “20 years ago, I kissed someone else even though we were dating… Wow, I feel better… Why are you getting so angry? Aren’t you happy I was honest even though it means you don’t know what else I’ve been hiding from you all these years, so now you have no trust left in me?” As a therapist, I’ve seen this dynamic a handful of times and it’s always devastating to the other person. If my wife had a similar story she’s kept from me all this time, I don’t want to hear about it. That’s between her, God, and maybe a trusted listener. That’s her burden to carry; not mine. A good apology reduces hurt for the other person; it doesn’t explode it for them.
In this lesson, I’ll be looking at the story I previously mentioned, which means I do have follow through. I’m just delayed (a title my wife won’t argue against).
After my first discouraging day at Fan Expo, I did not want to go back. The problem, however, was I knew my future self would be angry at me for not following through. As I teach: Live so your future self thanks you. Not only had I pre-purchased the ticket, my main goal for going to the event in the first place was to meet Alan Ritchson (aka Reacher). He’s a vocal Christian, and I had a new angle I wanted to present to him: “If you could have a simple way to share Jesus with a lot of people in a kind way, would you be interested?” That’s the best sales pitch I’ve ever had going to Fan Expo because how could he not be intrigued? I’m not offering to do anything for him or trying to “sell” anything. It’s an offer to help him spread his faith, which is something every Christian should want to know more about. And how would he do this? By telling people about my new book, 52 Lessons for Nice-aholics: Help to Help Less. Since it’s a free download or I could even give him the PDF to give out, it’s not about me making money. It’s talking about a book that has a number of non-believer-friendly references to Jesus by trying to show how Jesus wasn’t a nice-aholic. It also shares some Bible verses by the Apostle Paul every 10 pages that are meant to inspire intrigue. At the end of the book, I also give three bonus lessons that teach why Jesus and the Bible are historically and logically trustworthy. It’s officially my best book for trying to kind-of-subtly share Jesus.
Unfortunately, whenever you have something that will promote Jesus, the devil tends to do what he can to dissuade and discourage you from doing it. Because of that, it makes sense that after I preordered a Saturday ticket (something you have to do because that day sells out), Alan Ritchson was moved to the Sunday forcing me to buy the extra ticket – that was annoying. It also makes sense I had such a bad day Saturday that it would make me second guess going Sunday. Fortunately, I was able to remember this as a way to encourage myself to go Sunday: Don’t let the devil win. It even made me excited because this must be a good plan if the devil was going out of his way to mess with me.
My other reason for pushing myself to go Sunday was trying to make the best of the situation. Saturday, I went with an old friend, which was fun. It was also helpful because now I knew where I was going and what to expect. Sunday, I would be going by myself, which meant I could turn off my talking brain. As someone who talks all week for work, having a day where I didn’t have to worry about asking questions or carrying a conversation was very liberating. On the very packed Go-Train since it was the same day as a Blue Jays game and the CNE, I was able to stand against a wall, close my eyes, and zone out. It was surprisingly peaceful despite the noise.
What was interesting was while I was preparing for the next day’s adventure, something in my brain told me to grab one of my copies of The Happy Squire: Christmas stories to encourage & inspire. This was the book that Rita Carrey did the forward for me. I didn’t know why that crossed my mind, but I grabbed a copy to satisfy my brain.
On the Saturday I started my day by walking around the building where the actors were doing the signings, but this time I went straight to the panel section that wasn’t nearly as busy or overstimulating. I started by watching the interview with Erin Moriarty who plays Starlight in The Boys, a show I stopped watching after the first season because it was so graphic. She wasn’t bad, but what held her back were the lame questions the audience asked her: “If you could’ve killed Homelander, how would you have done it?” What? She’s an actor. She’s not a nutjob dreaming of how to kill fictitious characters she has no control over. This was followed by a short viewing of Dominic Monaghan who played Merry in The Lord of the Rings and Charlie Pace on Lost. I skipped out half way through in order to see his fellow hobbit, Sean Astin (i.e. Samwise Gamgee) who was on a panel for the cast from The Goonies. This panel did well minus some more terrible audience questions: “I ask this of everyone I see. If you were an ice cream flavor, what would you be?” Who asks such a dumb question: (me) “I’d be poop flavored ice cream because I don’t want to be eaten, digested, and pooped out later. There’s a crappy answer to a crappy question. Can someone with normal social skills please ask the next question?”
This panel was followed by Ritchson who was fantastic. What makes a speaker fantastic? Being bipolar or ADHD and he definitely had one of them. He was bursting with positive energy that filled the stage and the room. This time there was even a decent interviewer who brought up interesting facts like how Ritchson was originally on American Idol Season 3. Ritchson then shared how being on the show made him realize he wanted to study human behavior through acting. When he was in the room full of contestants being told they were going home, the girl beside him fell to her back and threw her hands and feet around like a dying bug. He also shared how, as a kid, he was in love with Jim Carrey… and that’s when my brain got really excited: “I brought a copy of my book with Jim Carrey’s sister’s forward. How perfect is that? I can give it to him and help my case for looking like more than a crazy fan.” I thanked God for leading me to such a great moment. This was going to be it; the first time I connect with a celebrity who would actually care about what I was offering.
After that panel, I knew there’d be a massive line for Ritchson’s signing like there always is for actors doing panels, so I stuck around to see two more hobbits being interviewed, Elijah Wood (i.e. Frodo Baggins) and Billy Boyd (i.e. Pippin). The whole cast had already been interviewed the night before, so this was more of a whatever kind of panel. What I found interesting is the four hobbits are still good friends 25 years after the movies, and a major reason for this is they are a lot like their characters. It was as if they were picked for their roles because they wouldn’t be doing a lot of acting. All four of them were good natured, liked to joke and laugh, and presented a kindness in their personality.
Feeling good about my list of panels for the day and armed with a book in my bag that had a forward by Jim Carrey’s sister, I went to get in line for my signing with Alan Ritchson. And that’s when I found out… it was sold out. What! How could that be? That never happens. Even Mel Gibson who is way bigger than Ritchson didn’t sell out. No one minus people like Michael J Fox ever sold out. I double checked with two more workers, but they all said the same thing – it’s sold out. My whole reason for being there… was shattered. My excitement of giving Ritchson my book with a forward by Jim Carrey’s sister I thought God told me to bring… was shattered. My hope of sharing Jesus with non believers… was shattered. I was in shock as I stumbled away. Talk about a giant let down. What I thought was a set up by God was actually a major mind screw by the devil. The only lesson I had to take away was how rejection is better than a missed opportunity.
What was interesting was I had a friend who had also been there that Sunday later tell me that he left at the very end of the day when everything was closed up. When he walked through the celebrity section there was still a massive line up and who was that for? John Cena. John Cena is known for being incredible with fans and he proved it. He was staying after hours and he was still taking his time with the people who went up to him. I never even dreamt of talking to him because he’s so huge (physically and popularity wise). Of all the stars I thought I wouldn’t have had a chance to see for more than a “Hi, bye,” meeting, it would’ve been him.
When I left Fan Expo to get on the train, my head was a bit of a mess as it tried to understand how this could happen. To my credit, I tried to tell myself that God saved me from wasting more money. Ideally, I would’ve found something to distract myself, but I was alone waiting for and then riding on a GO train for almost an hour. Fortunately, the night before I had watched an episode of The Chosen, and it was about Jesus coming up with the Sermon on the Mount that starts, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Mat 5:3) It was a nice recall because it felt like God understood my feelings. I’m sure when Jesus shared that sermon, He wasn’t thinking about a middle-age man being sad he missed out on seeing someone who would likely reject his offer, but it’s still applicable – I was poor in spirit because it had seemed like God was bringing this moment together with having my Christmas book and previous experiences to prepare me… only to have it be nothing.
As we looked at in the first lesson of this series on discouragement, it’s good to define why this is discouraging. On my list of things I want to do in my life is to have some great adventures. Not getting to talk to someone is not the kind of adventure I’m looking for (neither is getting a minor concussion from a ride like I previously shared). While I was reflecting on this experience, I realized that’s why I was more upset about it; it wasn’t much of a story. It’s blah.
What really helped is the phrase came to me: If God really wanted it to happen, it would. That’s it. If God wanted me to meet Ritchman, it would/will happen. I don’t even need Fan Expo. That would’ve helped, but if God wants me to connect with him, there’ll be another way. As I’ve learned/taught before, I do my part, and God will do His, but in this case, it’s more I can do my part, but I have to let God do His. What I realized in this situation is I struggle not to also try to do God’s part. I can be a bit controlling, but I need to stick to my role. For now, I simply continue working and trying to follow God’s lead.
Because my time at Fan Expo was cut short, I was able to get to my mom’s for family dinner. After complaining to my family about how discouraging this summer has been, it was just the adults at the table, so my sister shared her news. She received a call the night before from one of her best friends to say this friend’s daughter was found dead… what? I may have been discouraged, but I should be grateful; it could be a lot worse. After all, I’m not broken like this poor mother will be for the rest of her life. I had a discouraging weekend, not a life altering one.
This week may you remember that no matter how discouraged you get, we should try to find things to be grateful for because it could always be worse.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)
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