Last week we considered tips for dealing with stress because I recently did a speech that gave me the gift of three canker sores (but at least it wasn’t worse). While writing the lesson, I connected with a fellow workaholic, and during our conversation I realized something I hadn’t before: Speeches, exams, submitting something to be judged, and winning championships are great because as stressful as they might be beforehand, when they’re done, they’re done. There is often even a high when it’s over. There are other projects, however, that don’t have the same sense of finality and relief. This basic difference can be seen with cutting the grass versus doing the dishes (two jobs I hope don’t cause you stress). When you cut the grass, you can feel good about your accomplishment because when you’re done, it looks great (at least for a day) whereas putting away dishes is more: “That’s the way it’s supposed to look; I feel nothing.” Part of being a workaholic is seeking that high from the accomplishment. (It’s also about procrastinating doing jobs you don’t want to do and making the most out of your time, but that’s for another lesson.) Sure crossing something off your to-do list can feel good, but with tasks like doing the dishes that don’t give the relief, you can be left feeling empty and unmotivated for doing more.
I’m currently in the middle of a path to write ten books in ten years. I started in 2020 and I’ll be doing this until 2030 (which is technically 11 books, I know). I enjoy the writing process, but it’s not like I’m ever writing or editing with a face of joy like: “This is amazing!” I don’t even get a moment where I exclaim: “I did it! It’s done” It’s the opposite of speeches and exams where there is a clear ending. Instead, it feels more like: “Is it ever really done?” After writing a book and going over it again and again (and again and again and again…) trying to make it perfect, when I finally hit the button to make it available to buy… it’s very lackluster. There’s no sense of excitement: “I did it!” or even an “Ahhhhh it’s done.” It’s more of a fear: “I hope I didn’t miss any mistakes.” You then order a copy you put on your shelf that you’re terrified to look at in case you find something wrong with it. It’s nice that publishing on Amazon means I can fix any mistakes I find, but there’s still the shame of having published with a mistake you missed.
The other workaholic I was talking to makes APPs. He said it’s the same problem – it’s never fully done because there’s always something to tweak or fix. That’s the problem with a lot of the things we work on – there’s no real sense of finality (like cleaning a house with toddlers). Instead of a moment of relief like after a speech or exam, the weight of the project continues to loom over me until it’s slowly forgotten as I’m distracted by the weight of another project. Sounds fun doesn’t it? So why do I do it? A major reason is its gives me something tangible to show for my time and what I’ve learned. It also gives me something to leave for my daughters when I’m gone, which is something I need to consider since heart disease is on both sides of my family and I had kids later in life. That sounds even more fun doesn’t it?
That’s where events like my work’s 25th anniversary I did my speech at become important. It’s a time where you pause as a company and reflect on your accomplishment. We need moments like these where we celebrate our victory because it builds a sense of accomplishment, recognizes the efforts of those who’ve been a valuable part of the team, and gives an excuse to have a party. This summer my family went to Disneyland where they’re celebrating their 70th anniversary for the full year with special foods, new parades, decorations, and merchandise. Disney knows how to make a celebration a way to make a lot of money because people like me are suckers.
Celebrating isn’t a new concept. For instance, the Jews have a list of celebrations they’ve been doing for thousands of years like Passover. That’s also why in our modern world we have weddings and funerals. They’re celebrations… obviously not all celebrations are meant to be joyful, but they give us special moments. They give us a chance to connect with people we would otherwise neglect because of the day to day. One of the reasons I wanted to do the Disneyland trip this summer is I love the pictures I have from our Florida trip we did two years ago (yes, I have a Disney addiction). These kinds of trips become special moments in our lives that we can cherish. Sure, with cell phones people take a stupid amount of pictures, but how often do we actually print pictures? For me, I print pictures after a trip like this because they’re more meaningful and times I want to remember (especially with how much it cost me).
We all need to find reasons to celebrate. This summer my wife and I had our tenth anniversary. That’s a big year, and guess what we did? Nothing… well, it wasn’t nothing-nothing. We did say, “Happy anniversary,” to each other. I know; we’re impressive. In our defense we arrived home from our Disney trip the day before, so we were tapped out. In the future, however, we need to be careful not to gloss over big moments like this, especially if we’re not doing something else. Our one issue is that as a couple who is so against divorce we agreed we’re allowed to murder each other before thinking divorce, 10 years doesn’t seem like that big an accomplishment: “Of course, we’re still together. What choice did we have?” That’s the benefit of two very stubborn people being together – we’re stuck. That being noted, I might get a little concerned if she watches a lot of those murder shows like Criminal Minds in the future.
Disneyland is a great example of a project that’s never “finished”. It’s even in their motto set by Walt: “Disneyland will never be completed. It will continue to grow as long as there is imagination left in the world.” Unlike my books I hide from for fear of finding a mistake, the Disney Corporation is always looking for ways to improve their project. What’s important is despite it never being “finished” they still had an opening ceremony. An opening ceremony is like a speech or exam (that’s also good for marketing). They give a deadline where there’s a hard push to be ready enough and to celebrate what they’ve done. When we have projects like writing a book or making an APP, this is what we need to create to feel a time of joy: a red tape moment.
Interestingly, I already had an idea of this before I had this actual realization (does that make sense?) With this “four month” addition that as of this month we’ve now been doing officially for three years I was thinking of holding some type of red tape cutting event. When I mentioned this, my wife was confused why I’d want to do that, but I was adamant it’s been three years of sacrifice and hardship including not being as available to see friends as much as we should, so we need to do something to reconnect with them. More importantly, we need to celebrate it in order to bring in positive associations instead of what we currently have – anger and resentment.
It’s interesting how I knew I needed to do something for this project, but I never really grasped the red tape concept until I talked to this other workaholic. It’s like how a lot of my clients realize that what I teach makes sense because they’ve had glimpses of it before. This just solidifies their ideas. This idea of celebrating can be for smaller things too like ten year wedding anniversaries (or maybe those aren’t so small), and it’s a good note that I need to start doing something to celebrate publishing a book besides just buying a book I avoid looking at.
This week may you consider how you can better celebrate the victories.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)
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