Toronto Maple Leaf fans are like a disgruntled girlfriend waiting for her proposal – they’re on edge and ruining the odds of getting what they want. This past season was (or should have been) incredible for Leaf fans as they were division champions. Sure they were knocked out by the Florida Panthers in the second round, but that team went on to win the Stanley Cup for the second year in a row. Considering the Leafs were the only ones to take Florida to a best of seven series, in a way they were the second best team in the playoffs. Even Edmonton only got to six games in the finals. Anyone knowing the situation could also argue the Leafs would have won the series if it had not been for the Leafs top rated goalie being questionably injured by a Florida player with a history of injuring goalies (and he went unpunished for it). That game was the start of the turnaround from Florida being down two games to zero to winning that game in overtime and turning the tide of the series.
This playoff year everything looked to be in place to be successful. It was like the disgruntled girlfriend being taken on a beautiful trip after things were all coming together; the boyfriend received a big raise and was finally making enough to afford a home (something that originally held him back from proposing). Things were in place for the proposal, but something out of the boyfriend’s control happened and prevented him from doing it. The girlfriend’s patience exhausted, she lost her mind on him. Now the boyfriend is left emotionally bruised and scrambling to figure things out. Does he even want to be with someone like this? Should he cut and run, try to heal while delaying the proposal, or propose and hope this isn’t a sign of what’s to come? Anyone who knows about the Mitch Marner situation knows what he chose to do.
Unfortunately for Leaf fans, without Marner they’re in a lot of trouble. This “boyfriend” isn’t what he used to be. Marner was a major reason the Leafs were division champions (and why Canada won the 4 Nations Cup last year). Unfortunately, when praise was handed out he was often overshadowed by Austin Matthews while being the main scapegoat for when things went wrong, which is the same in struggling relationships – one person tends to experience more to of the blame when relationships take two people to make it work. Marner leaving the Leafs was brilliant for him because he strategically chose a team that could get him to the Stanley Cup finals, which would be the ultimate “screw you” moment to Leaf fans. Vegas was by far the best choice for him to get to the finals because he needed a team in a different conference as Florida who is likely going to win for a third straight season (and there wasn’t room for him on Edmonton).
The Marner situation is like the boyfriend leaving in hopes of finding new love. Almost every time a guy leaves a relationship it’s because there’s another woman encouraging it. The other time it’s because she’s eroded his soul through jab comments and looks of disgust, and he can’t handle it anymore. This is why a man leaving his woman to be single is that much more upsetting to her: “It can’t be me! I’m so much better than you. There has to be another woman.”
Last year Florida perfectly manipulated the rules of the league by having a roster of players that went well over the salary cap for the playoffs. (Fortunately, that rule’s been changed). On top of that, they somehow convinced a team in their own division to help them (that doesn’t make sense) by sending over a top player known for being incredibly valuable in the playoffs (that also doesn’t make sense) for nothing (that makes absolutely no sense). Florida, however, will again be a serious contender to dominate this year because all of their top players were able to humble themselves enough to take less money than they could’ve asked for in order to have a fully stacked team – that’s how you win. You have to be willing to humble yourself and work with your team. That, of course, was one of the failures of the Leafs – no humility and top players demanding more money (minus John Tavares who took a pay cut to stay on the team and proved why he should still be the captain).
So what did the Leafs ultimately do wrong? There was a lack of clear communication leading to a lot of speculation (e.g. was Matthews hurt? If so, why’d he play in the 4 Nations tournament when he should’ve been resting?). A lack of sharing leads to a lot of problems, which is often why many men end up in trouble. Men also often end up in trouble when they try to share because they don’t share in a way that lands well. Men typically aren’t as good with words and softening truths. This is extra unfortunate, because women typically aren’t so good at hearing the words actually being said because they try to read between the lines when guys typically struggle to give one line: (woman) “Are you saying (blank)?” (guy) “No!” (woman) “Yes, you are!” (guy) “I don’t know how you even got that from what I said.” And now the guy who tried sharing will shutdown even more in the future. Why share when it’s only going to get him in trouble, especially because he’s assumed to be mean when he’s not? He was just trying to be vulnerable like she said she wanted – communication can be fun.
And what do Leaf fans need to work on?
- Celebrate Successes: One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is forgetting to celebrate what we do well. How often do we reminisce about the good times versus dwell on our hurts? Struggling relationships always focus on the negatives. For instance, the Leafs were division champions. That was a huge accomplishment. They got to the second round of the playoffs, which only eight out of 32 teams achieve. Being knocked out by the future Stanley Cup champions meant they could’ve gone further in a different division. After last season there should have been a big celebration for such a great year. Instead, there was just anger and demands for being better in the future. It’s like fans wanted an apology from someone who was also really hurt from the same thing.
- Compare Yourself Properly: I’m a big fan of comparing ourselves to others, but it needs to be in balance: We need people to inspire us and those who make us grateful for what we have and do. For instance, the two teams with the two best players in the league, Colorado and Tampa Bay, didn’t make it past the first round. Carolina has made it to the semi-finals against Florida two years in a row and this was the first time they won one game, so in the last two years they have eight losses to one win in the semi-finals while the Leafs are four losses to three wins. It’d also be worse if they were a team like Buffalo who, not only didn’t make the playoffs, last year they had a 13 game losing streak and hold the record from 2003 with the most losses in a row with 18.
- Recognize Growth: The Leafs have been steadily getting better every year for awhile now… not that you’d know that by the way their fans acted at the end of the season. For instance, people who had been incredibly helpful at building the team were fired like Brendan Shanahan.
- Be Thankful: One of the most important things we can do for our own happiness is to work at being thankful. One of the most important things we can work on in our relationships is being thankful for what we each do. Leaf fans were pretty terrible at that last year. Instead, they were always wanting more, which is a recipe for disaster.
- Never Attack: Anger is a healthy emotion we need to experience once in awhile, but we should never hurt anyone in our anger. There’s an oops for Leaf fans and most married people. Instead of attacking, we need to get our emotions out privately and speak to our partner in a calmer state because anger makes us stupid (i.e. we say and do things we’d never normally do). Attacking someone doesn’t inspire them to want to be better for us; it inspires them to want to distance themselves from us.
- Know Your Goal: It’s amazing how often people act contrary to what their goal should be. For instance, if you want a healthy relationship that’s very different than if your goal is to be right or to get your own way. It also gives us direction. If my goal is to be understood, I need to first try to understand the other person. We can’t complain someone isn’t listening if we didn’t first try to listen to them.
- Be Nice: People say “I love you,” but if they’re not nice to the person, do you really love them? Love is demonstrated by how we treat people. Not by how they make us feel.
What we all need to remember, marriage couples and Leaf fans, is that love is patient and kind; it’s self controlled. Love means we try our best to be nice because otherwise we not only prove we’re terrible at love, we will likely find ourselves single and/or even more unhappy.
This week may you consider how you can be better in your relationship.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)
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