On one of the last weekends of the summer, I had taken my kids to swim at my brother’s pool. If you’re going to have a brother who’s more successful than you, it pays to have one who owns a big pool that’s heated and kept at the perfect swimming temperature. Once a week my family is able to use his pool for free, which is a lot cheaper and less work than… you know, owning a pool. It’s fantastic. Normally my wife joins us, but she needed to do a few errands (ideally solo), so I was in charge of the kids for the afternoon. Don’t worry; I was being supervised by my sister, so it wasn’t just me watching them (no offence to me). After we were done swimming and on our way to my mom’s house for our Sunday night full family dinner (do I sound spoiled? I am) my one daughter sadly stated, “Mommy said she would meet us to go swimming.” I don’t know how a normal parent would respond to this, but I went with: “That’s hilarious.” My daughter was confused – obviously. I then explained how her mom has no concept of time whether planning ahead or realizing what time it is in the moment. As I’ve mentioned before, she has ADD, and a major symptom is being garbage with time. Does that sound too mean? My wife has the time management skills of a clock without numbers, hands, or the mechanism to tick, which leaves you with a box. I wish I was exaggerating. I then pointed out to my daughters that time management and planning are my strengths. If I had been asked if their mom would be meeting at their uncle’s to go swimming I would’ve said, “She’ll meet us at Nanny’s for dinner.” My wife is very optimistic… which doesn’t always go well with not having a concept of time: “I’ll get all of this done in a day… even though it’s something that should take me at least three days, so that way I can feel guilty when I don’t get it all done.” I then pointed out to my girls that because of their mom’s weakness with time she’s amazing at being present. Not having a concept of time frees her brain to enjoy the moment whereas my brain is the worst at that. Being an organizer and having a good internal clock (i.e. my strength), my brain is always thinking about what’s next, which makes me garbage at enjoying the moment. It’s like my brain wants to stare into a crystal ball to prepare for the future rather than see what’s in front of me. I pointed out that even in Disneyland, the happiest place on Earth, I couldn’t simply enjoy the moment because I was always thinking about what was next on the agenda or if I needed to adjust the agenda.
Side Note: You might be asking how I know Disneyland in California is the happiest place on Earth. It’s because that’s how my seven year old daughter described it. This past summer, on the last day when we were leaving the park I asked her what she thought of Disneyland and her response was “It’s the happiest place on earth.” When I asked why she believed that her response was simply, “Because that’s what they told us.” She drank the Kook-Aid… and I was there helping her drink it down because I drank it years ago myself, and it was delicious.
In this conversation with my daughters I added that for every strength, there is a weakness, and for every weakness, there is a strength. We can then push this powerful lesson a step further to realize there is good and bad in all things. What is the key to beating discouragement? Looking for the good. For instance, what’s good about being discouraged? (There’s a question you don’t get very often.) Being discouraged can be something that we can share with a trusted loved one, which will likely become a very bonding conversation. Being discouraged is often a necessary experience to recognize we need to change something. Sure, there’s temptation to mope and feel sorry for ourselves instead of doing something, but fighting that temptation will make our victory that much sweeter. It’s like how every heroic moment in a movie needs to have that “what looks like a fail moment” right before. Being discouraged ultimately pushes us to have better resilience and gives us better compassion for those around us who also feel discouraged. It’s humanizing and can help us grow in wisdom… not that I strive to be discouraged, but there’s good in all things. I have definitely grown a lot in wisdom in my lifetime… which, yes, means I’ve faced a lot of discouragement, but in hindsight I’m grateful for those lessons.
Trying to see the good is important in our social media based world because there’s so much negativity and hate out there (talk about discouraging). It’s as if we believe in freedom of speech… as long as others say things that align with our own beliefs. It’s like our culture has made it so someone having a different opinion somehow makes them our enemy. This is a very dangerous (and immature) way of thinking. We should encourage people to have different ideas and opinions because seeing those perspectives can help us grow in our own. I don’t think the devil needs anymore advocates, but to develop our thinking we even should be asking ourselves questions like “Why?” and “What’s the other side thinking?” Even better: “Is there a different angle?” I was walking downtown (not by choice because it’s scary), and this group of university age girls were out protesting abortion. The one asked me, “What’s your thoughts on abortion?” and my response was “It’d be better if people didn’t get pregnant in the first place.” She was very confused by this response because I’m guessing she was ready for a fight or a confirmation. Instead, I went a different route – let’s not need it; problem solved. It’s like why aren’t we more worried about preventing cancer instead of looking for a cure? I’d personally rather the people I love not need to go through any of the current treatments in the first place.
This idea goes right back to how my wife is garbage with time management and I’m garbage at being in the moment: Our differences can make us better as a couple or it can drive us apart. In our community, our differences can make us better as a whole or it can drive us apart. Unfortunately, social media loves to drive people apart because it leads to more likes and online traffic. And what’s good about this? It means someone who is a light to the darkness can shine even brighter. It also means sometimes the most important thing we can do is encourage good people to continue being good. In dark times we need as many lights as possible.
Bonus thought: I recently talked to someone who said they struggled with anxiety because of how the world appears, and I was like “Yeah, that makes sense.” I don’t know if they liked me validating their feeling or disappointed I didn’t have a “raw-raw life is the best” reply. I would argue our western world has been continuing to fall over the last twenty to thirty years because we’ve been losing our Christian base for morality. As someone whose greatest hurts have been through situations in a church, I know being a Christian doesn’t mean you’re a good person and/or have healthy communication skills. After all, some of the most unhealthy people like to put on a veil of holiness. That being noted, the primary goal of Christianity is love: “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” (John 13:35) When love is the foundation, the world is at its best. It’s just like a marriage. When love is the foundation, the marriage is at its best. Where Christianity promotes love (and thankfulness), the world encourages the pursuit of selfish dreams and self protection even at the expense of others (i.e. cutting family off, online slander, controlling behaviors, etc.). And who are the meanest and most judgemental people? The ones screaming, “Don’t judge me!” “Don’t bully me!” and “You need to accept me and whatever I do!” But should we? Shouldn’t there be accountability? There should be a right and wrong and we should have things in place to prevent actions that are not right or hurtful. Love doesn’t mean being a pushover. Love is patient and kind, but there needs to be a limit of how patient and kind we are because at one point we’re not showing love anymore – we’re enabling.
One of my favourite sayings is “People suck.” If that statement has any truth to it (and it does), we need a God who gives us rules to follow. Realistically without God there is no accountability and morality is just the loudest people making things up that suit their own needs. These rules made by people are not even founded on generational wisdom because we no longer look to our elders for guidance. It’s no wonder our world seems so dark at times.
But what’s good about all this? I’ve heard from several youth pastors that the teens and young adults are currently growing interest in religion. Because many young people feel lost and empty and have grown up not having any real exposure to church, they’re starting to be more open to God than their parents have ever been. This means, we could be on the verge of a Jesus revolution like what happened in the late 60s and early 70s when a disillusioned group of hippies realized drugs and sex didn’t make them happy, so maybe God could be the difference for which they were looking.
This week may you consider how even something you hate about yourself can be good
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb (like me)
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