The other week I experienced something that reminded me how overly nice people can spin a story to be more than it is in order to punish themselves or make it bigger than it needs to be. On a recent Friday evening I did something that was morally questionable, you know, what you’d expect of someone like me. Some would say I lied, but I would argue I was “playing the game”, you know, what morally questionable people say to justify something morally questionable. Either way, this action didn’t and wouldn’t harm anyone. In fact, it would actually benefit everyone involved, especially my daughters. It was ultimately a win-win situation without any risk of harm. It seemed like a no brainer – done… or so I thought.
That night I went to bed later than usual because, after doing a full day at work, I worked on our addition. It’s like I’m a workaholic…because I am. The rest of my family was at my wife’s family cottage, and I was taking advantage of the freedom (sweet freedom). Working after work had been my routine every day that week (I know how to party). I was excited going to bed because the next morning I got to sleep in a little, jog with the friend I normally jog with Saturday morning (a highlight of my week made extra special because we had missed the last two weeks of jogging together), and then after taking my time to get ready I would drive three peaceful hours to meet my family. It was looking like the perfect morning… and then after less than an hour of sleep, my phone rang at 3am. My wife was at the hospital with our oldest because she had woken up at 2am screaming with pain in her knee. Earlier in the week my oldest had some weird red spots on her thighs that might have been a heat thing, but she also started having random knee pain that made it hard for her to bend her knee over three days that had then flared up and put her in incredible pain. Being in a smaller town hospital, my wife was told they’d have to wait until 7am for the person who does blood work to come in, which left them waiting. The bigger issue was her sister and brother-in-law left the cottage earlier that night to go to a wedding the next day and they left (without asking) their two kids for my wife and mother-in-law to watch. That was a brilliant move because you can’t be told no if you don’t ask. Because of this, my wife asked me to drive up as early as possible in order to help her mom with the four remaining kids. Disappointed I had to give up my perfect morning and annoyed at her sister because she should never have left her kids with my wife and mother-in-law, I messaged my friend to cancel our plans (he has the “do not disturb” feature, so I wasn’t being rude) and set my alarm as early as I could handle. In the morning I discovered the leak in our back room that was supposed to have been fixed for the third time had again leaked in the night – sucky. I then ate breakfast to a video that told me the best ride at Disneyland was going to be closed the day before we arrive for our trip next month; the first time in its 12 year existence it would be down for at least a month – also sucky. I know that’s a very first world problem, but it was still disappointing, especially since I’ve been spending months planning ride strategies – it’s surprisingly fun (if you’re a dork like me). While driving up to the cottage my neck was extra sore (it had been a little sore for a few days already but now it was worse), and now my throat was intensely sore whenever I swallowed. Things were definitely not going my way, but on my drive I had a great phone call with my sister and I was doing my best to be positive about the day. I was doing pretty good… when half way on my three hour drive the “check engine” light came on – more sucky. It had come on two weeks earlier and the mechanic told my wife it was because the gas cap wasn’t put on right even though that didn’t make any sense. I tried three times with the cap and the light stayed on. I figured (and hoped) it couldn’t be anything that serious, so I continued on… hyper aware of any rumble or noise the car made for the next hour and a half (that’s a fun game: “Was that a normal rumble or the car dying and leaving me stranded?”) I got to the cottage shortly after my wife had returned from the hospital. When I entered the cottage to surprise my girls, they were happy to see me… kind of. The TV was on, so they were pretty distracted. It definitely wasn’t the greeting I hoped for, but that followed how the morning was already going – full sucky mode.
After I helped get the kids together, I took my two older girls into town in the wagon. It’s a two kilometer walk along the beach, which is beautiful. The others were going to drive into town since it was a scorcher of a day, but I wanted a chance to stretch my legs. Getting into town I was struggling more than I should have, but I figured it was from the heat and lack of sleep. We met up in the town arena for a special event that had a magician and games for the kids. Despite it being in an arena, it was more of a sauna with a few fans blowing the hot air around. I was really not doing well at this point. I splashed cold water on my face, soaked my hair, and put wet paper towel on my neck, but it wasn’t much help. I was somehow the biggest wuss in the heat when I’m normally one of the best. When we got back to the cottage, people had lunch while I collapsed on the couch. After a short break, I helped walk the kids to the beach, which is only five minutes, but I was struggling. I ended up having to go back and forth five times to help with kid issues and then I again collapsed on the couch. My food intake that day consisted of a cookie and a jumbo Freezie (like an elite athlete). Even with the Freezie, every time I swallowed it felt like my throat was on fire – the sucky continued.
Because of being at the beach, I wasn’t wearing socks, which is very unusual for me. Later that night after solidly stubbing my toe, I stepped bare foot on a piece of jagged porcelain from a bowl that broke that morning and was somehow missed. Now my one foot had a bruised toe (it was a solid kick) and my other foot needed a Band-Aid to stop the bleeding. My wife was thrilled I cut my foot… not because she’s mean to me (at least in that way), but because it protected the kids.
Shortly after the kids were in bed, my wife happened to look at me without her distracted mommy eyes and was shocked: “You’re burning up!” Earlier we just thought I had a little heat stroke, but I was now full-on fever mode with my eyes even being bright red from it. What’s funny is until my wife noticed, I didn’t even realize I had a fever (like a genius), but that explained the chills I kept getting throughout the day despite it being so hot out.
At the end of the day I was thinking how this was supposed to have been this wonderful day, but it flipped to be full of kick in the pants moments. At one point the thought crossed my mind: Am I being punished because of my morally questionable action? Fortunately, I learned awhile ago that there are repercussions for our decisions, but we’re not directly punished for our actions by God in this life. Yes, as the Bible teaches “We reap what we sow,” but I wasn’t reaping from anything I had sown. My morally questionable action had nothing to do with this day. It was all just coincidence. This is important to realize because a lot of overly nice people consider bad things as punishment for something they’ve done when it has nothing to do with that. For instance, I know a very generous woman who couldn’t get pregnant despite doing all of the fertility procedures. She concluded it was because she wasn’t good enough as a kid and this was her punishment, but that’s cruel. She was being abusive to herself. I know when bad things happen we try to find a rational reason for it, but need to be careful what we use to explain it. It’s normal to want to find an explanation for things in order to feel a sense of resolution or to feel a sense of control. With this addition I’m doing (the one that still has a leak after being fixed three times) that’s been 34 months when we were told it was a four month project. I concluded a long time ago that it’s cursed and this gives me some sense of comfort having a reason for why everything has gone so wrong including whenever one job is completed something really bad happens; it’s one step forward, a half to two steps back – it’s been crazy. This idea gives me a sense of understanding and whether it’s true or not at least it’s a safer thought than assuming I’m being punished.
When we have a terrible day, the most important thing we can do (besides go to bed as early as possible) is consider the positives. My wife was onto this when she pointed out it was better I found the broken piece of bowl than our 17 month old. Similarly, my five year old didn’t give me any reaction to surprising her at the cottage, but after seeing me, she left the TV (a major feat) and she sat at the kitchen table to draw me two pictures because she was so happy I was there. Another positive is I had a fever for most of that day, but I didn’t give it to anyone and it was better to be nauseous when there are lots of distractions and I didn’t get time to feel sorry for myself. It was also great there was a real explanation for feeling so terrible and not that I’m a giant wuss who couldn’t handle the heat as well as a bunch of kids. It was also great that I was sick on my day off and I didn’t have to try working through it or lose out on a day’s pay because of being sick.
If you’re going to have a terrible day, you can at least make it less terrible by looking at the positives even if it’s simply knowing you got that terrible day over with and you now have a story to share. After all, our best stories come from struggle and not success.
Fun Fact: On Monday when I was at home for work, my feet were tingly and felt like they had blisters between all of my toes. My hands then had little dots start to show and I soon found my feet had them as well. My mouth was also weirdly tingly/sore. I looked up tingly hands, feet, and mouth, and right away it came up: hand, foot, and mouth disease. I think Google was like: “How’d you not figure that out yourself?” It was pretty obvious. Whoever named this virus was a genius. That’s exactly what it is. More things should be named this directly… although I guess flu sounds nicer than fever, puke, and diarrhea. This virus is normally a problem for kids, but when adults get it the symptoms tend to be a lot worse – I discovered that the hard way. Symptoms can include joint pain (check), fever (check), and such a sore throat the person doesn’t want to eat or drink (check and check). I nailed all the symptoms like a champ. The added fun was at night; it felt like every join in my hands were on fire the way really bad arthritis is described. What was funny was for three days my hands and feet could only handle cold water. Anything slightly hot was very painful, so in the shower my body was like “Give me the hot water!” while my hands and feet were like “AHHHHHHHHHH!”
This week may you consider how to use the positive side of things to reduce some of the pain of a bad day.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)
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