The title of this lesson could’ve been: Why are Some Top Athletes So Judgemental? You could also replace “Christians” with “Top Artists,” “the Politically Correct,” “Conspiracy Theorists” or “HR Departments” because all of these groups are drawn to being judgemental; why? Because anyone who loves rules and/or strives for higher standards is at great risk of being judgemental. I’m focusing on Christians in this lesson, however, because last week I claimed that Christianity is the only logical religious choice. As described last week, looking at what’s historically accepted by almost every scholar, (a man named Jesus was crucified, there was an empty tomb, and believers boldly proclaimed to have seen Jesus alive again despite the risk of facing their own crucifixion) there is no other logical explanation than to accept that Jesus is the Son of God as He claimed. You could argue that even though it’s been 2000 years and no one has come up with a good explanation for these three facts, there’s still a chance someone will one day come up with one. That being said, even the best magicians we have today can’t give an alternative explanation that satisfies all three facts. Muslims tried to explain it 600 years after the death and resurrection of Jesus since the Qu’ran claims Jesus never actually died and someone else died in His place. That would mean, however, that event God performed the greatest con the world has ever seen and Easter is a celebration of that con.
Side Note: Believing the Qu’ran is right (i.e. Jesus didn’t die and the testimonies of the witnesses who boldly claimed they saw a risen Jesus with the nail marks even unto their own murders) doesn’t make logical sense. It’s like in 600 years someone claiming that 9-11 wasn’t an act of terrorism that killed thousands of people even though we currently have living witnesses who will verify what happened. Instead, in 600 years someone will think they’re smarter than those present and even lost loved ones by claiming a new story. For instance, maybe the future people will claim something like the planes were empty and controlled like drones, and they hit empty buildings because the owners of the Twin Towers set it up for the insurance money. This kind of claim (like Jesus not being the one to die) is a slap in the face of those who died.
Side Note to the Side Note: Islam teaches and promotes a lot of great things. For instance, they’re strong on community and they’re a very dedicated people of faith who are role models of good habits that include donating to charity, regularly praying, memorizing scripture, fasting, and being proud of their faith. Unfortunately, they miss a very important point – Jesus is more than a prophet.
Was that last Side Note where I give Muslims credit my way of trying to compensate for my earlier claim that Muslims are wrong about Jesus? Absolutely not. My goal in the last few paragraphs has been to demonstrate facts/truths because that’s different than being judgemental. Being judgemental holds an element of disgust whereas an observation is simply making a basic claim. For instance, you could say that I’m obese based on my BMI and that it’s likely because I eat too many sweets and don’t exercise enough and that would be a true observation. Of course, saying this to my face makes you rude and have low social skills, but those are just facts. Meanwhile, if you were more “Ew, he’s fat,” there’s more of a disgust feel to it. Being judgemental means you hold an element of disgust for someone whether another person or yourself, which connects to pride or envy – two of the Seven Deadly Sins (thank you to the Catholics for that brilliant categorizing tool).
The main reason why I choose to focus on Christianity for discussing being judgemental is very simple. It’s one thing to recognize Jesus logically makes Christianity the right religious choice, but it’s another to be open to investigate Christianity further because Christians have traditionally been very good at scaring people away. Talk to almost any atheist and there’s an origin story that describes a mean Christian. For instance, I had my first year university Religious Studies TA claim that he was an atheist who got into Eastern religions because when he was a kid his Sunday school teacher kicked him out of the class for asking too many questions – ouch. I’m hoping the teacher would have another reason and this TA misunderstood what really happened, but either way it’s a believable story – a child asks questions the teacher can’t answer and because the teacher feels dumb, they get angry at the child and punishes the child for outsmarting them and not just blindly following the curriculum being taught.
I grew up going to a conservative, Protestant church that had a huge debate in the early 90s on whether drums should be allowed in the service or if we should only have a piano and/or organ. Being in a church like that in the 80s and 90s, it was definitely a place of judgement. How do I know? Because I was passing around judgement like candy at a church picnic candy toss (candy toss – the perk to being a church kid in the 80s). At this point I should make a distinction. I find there are three basic kinds of being judgemental:
- I’m better than you (aka passive aggressive superiority mindset)
- You’re better than me and I’m going to drag you down to my level (aka passive aggressive inferiority mindset)
- I assume you’re judging me because I’m so hard on myself
Growing up I had traces of the passive aggressive side, especially because I had a strong competitive streak in me and I was trying not to be too aggressive, but overall I was a huge people pleaser who was worried about earning love. This means I was more in the third category. For instance, as a young teen my church had a sizeable youth group and at one point there were 4 girls between 16 and 18 who got pregnant (and not like Mary). And guess what I did with that… nothing. I didn’t care. I was worried about how I looked. You could argue this was a form of pride, but I was a typical young person trying to figure themselves out and find a place in the world (especially since I didn’t have a girlfriend).
Part of my competitiveness was to win people over to like me; after all, who likes a loser? As a wiser person now I know the answer to that question is… a lot of people. People generally like others more and want to spend time with those who don’t make them feel worse about themselves, which means the smartest and most gifted people can have a hard time making real friends. Winning the awards can make you standout and even be admired, but there’s a reason the saying is “It can be lonely at the top,” and not “Winners have the most friends.”
Being hard on myself meant I assumed everyone around me had the same harsh feelings about me. I made others seem judgemental when there’s a good chance they didn’t care like I didn’t with the pregnant girls. Maybe a few kids didn’t like me because I was so competitive and won things like the prize for memorizing the most Bible verses and I frequently won at the game where you race to find Bible verses… but I’m pretty sure there weren’t too many kids who were envious of me for those titles. Maybe a few parents didn’t like me because they wanted their kid to win the dork awards, but realistically I didn’t experience any real criticism you’d expect from being judged. In retrospect, I grew up in a very encouraging church (at least it was encouraging to young people). When I was a young adult; that’s when the judgement really started and it was mostly peers and very curmudgeon members who didn’t like my energy and/or humor. This blew up when I was a youth pastor because when you’re in leadership you have a giant target on your back… front, head, feet, butt… everywhere. At the same time, I’m not sure how much of that was people being judgemental versus just critical and/or having a different taste like the one older guy who said, “One day you might be a good speaker if you learn to stop using humor.” Fortunately, it’s easy not to take someone’s judgement/criticism/opinion like this seriously when it’s so foolish. This leads to an important point. The best way to handle judgement is to recognize the source because they’re either prideful (which is sin) and think they’re better than you, they feel worse than you and want to knock you down (which is envy and pride), or it’s your own brain projecting your own feelings onto others (which is foolish).
What’s also an interesting point to note is many times we confuse feeling judged by people who are really just not being friendly, which is often the result of their own fear. That means if we want to help a place feel less judgemental, don’t try to earn love, offer it; say hi to someone and try to start a conversation. Instead of feeling insecure or being worried what people think, be the better person by being friendly and then hold your head high after for doing the right thing. That’s not pride; that’s the reward for pushing yourself to be a good person.
This week may you consider what it means to use observation instead of judgement.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)
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