As a therapist, I hear stories of guys weeping because of their shame for watching porn. Whatever your feelings are about it, you’re welcome to them (especially since even the definition of porn can be debated; for instance, what’s the line between art and porn and are shows like Outlander porn or acceptable?) My argument for today is there are sinful behaviors that run rampant in our western world that are actually more damaging to ourselves, our relationships, and to our community than someone watching porn, yet we don’t think twice about them. In some cases, we’re even supporting them, yet because they’re so damaging we should be more inclined to weep in repentance for them. In previous lessons, I’ve claimed that the devil uses things like the abortion debate and porn use as ways to distract Christians from more serious problems, and this lesson continues that idea. Even worse, he uses these issues to tear people apart and push them away from God (i.e. has fighting about abortion ever led someone to a relationship with Jesus? So maybe that shouldn’t be our fight.) My firm belief is that we should never let our sin be a reason to distance ourselves from God or push Him away. In the story of Adam and Eve, after pride, hiding from God is the second major sin humans performed. Instead of hiding, we should use our failings as a reason to draw closer to God through praise, especially for His gift of the cross. We are forgiven, so maybe we shouldn’t waste our time beating ourselves up for it. After all, a thankful heart is better than one cowering and/or hiding in the corner.
So let’s get into what sins need to be more on our radar:
- Gluttony: I was recently at my ordination group’s annual conference and it slapped me in the face how physically unhealthy Christians tend to be. Traditionally, food has been a big selling factor for church events: “We’ll have food after.” Yes, food is a gift. The Bible even says, “And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.” (Ecc 3:13) The problem is we’re not balancing our eating with our physical activity. What’s a major cause of heart attacks? Having a gut. What did I see at my annual meeting? A lot of church leaders with guts. What’s a major cause of heart disease? Guts. I would say heart attacks and other obesity related illnesses are a great way for the devil to attack church people and weaken the community, yet we don’t think twice about it. If anything, we’re threatened not to “shame” people for their weight. I’m currently sporting a few extra pounds, but this conference got me thinking I need to step up my game because gluttony is a sin that can have devastating repercussions – death.
- Isolation: I’ve heard loneliness is as damaging to our health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, so what’s a way the devil will attack us? Isolation. Our culture is raging with individualism, yet loneliness is a major cause of dementia and other brain problems. Isolation is literally killing us, but how many Christians are concerned about it, especially when we live in a world that looks for more ways to do things on our own? We have self serve gas stations and self serve check outs. Our world has even made it so we don’t get weekly television shows we can talk about with our friends anymore or young people waiting in lines for concert tickets or meeting at music stores to listen to the latest releases at listening stations. Everything is online and without a need for guidance from others: “Why do I need to know what bands my friends like when Spotify and Netflix give me suggestions?” There are even people who prefer to watch church online instead of going in person, but a sense of community is one of the most important parts of church. I still get a newspaper because it helps me feel a little connection to the local community, but both newspapers and local TV stations are dying – we’re losing our options for community connections. As someone who likes to plan events, what’s my go-to reaction when I don’t hear back from people? I want to give up trying and accept isolation. It’s so unhealthy, yet so appealing because it’s easy. The truth is, however, isolating ourselves is a sin we need to actively fight no matter how discouraged we might get because we’re called to more.
- Bottling/Hiding: Following the path of isolation is bottling up/hiding our feelings. Of course, finding the line between bottling up and being too direct is hard to find. I tend to bounce between the two sides. After all, why would I bring something up with my wife if it’s only going to lead to conflict? Oh, right; because that’s the right thing to do. We need to pick our battles, but by not bringing up certain things I become a coward. That being noted, if I don’t bring things up in a proper way, I’m a fool. I’m not sure, which is better. Cowardice will lead to my own resentment whereas being foolish will lead to a lot of hurt and possible resentment between both people. This is why I’m a huge advocate of the request/favor method: “Can I ask a favor?” or “Can I make a request?” After permission, I will then give a one sentence request: “Can you do (the preferred behavior) instead of (what they’re doing)?” This method is solution focused. The trick is to avoid any hint of criticism. As a therapist, I find one person in the relationship struggles with being critical and the other struggles with bottling their feelings. The question is who will snap first because both critical people and bottlers can quietly build resentment.
- Divorce: I know there are instances where divorce is unavoidable and even necessary, which is why Jesus said there are exceptions. Overall, divorce is meant to protect, but in our spoiled first world it’s almost become the norm. For many, it’s part of life’s journey: I have kids with someone, get married, and when the kids are old enough we’ll break up, so I can fall in love again and start over with someone else who also has a lifetime of bad habits, baggage, and hurt. Divorce breaks God’s heart, yet so many divorces are founded on: (person) “But I wasn’t happy.” (me) “Yeah, but for your vows you promised for better or for worse.” (person) “I had my fingers crossed, so that didn’t count.” Does our word not mean anything? Do we enter marriage too flippantly nowadays? Of any of these sins, divorce should have churches weeping because of how devastating it is for families and communities as a whole. It’s like death, but I’d argue divorce can be worse because of how it likely involves betrayal, rejection, abandonment, and venom that can make it incredibly hard not to have growing resentment, especially when there’s fighting over money and kids (but I repeat, sometimes we need divorce). Even worse, blended families are incredibly tricky to navigate because they require so much more work and a lot of humility. They’re ultimately not what God wants for us. He wants us to marry wisely and grow together because healthy marriages lead to increased chances of healthy family and healthy communities.
- Phone Addiction: One of the greatest causes of gluttony, isolation, and divorce is the phone. Phone addiction is everywhere and most people don’t seem to care because they can make the excuse that they’re learning something from it or staying “connected” to others. Phones are meant to be a simple blessing. For instance, I love my GPS and weather APP, but it’s amazing the potential sins that phones open up. I recently asked a young person about what they talk about on break with their co-workers and he looked surprised: “Talk? Break time is phone time.” I remember breaks being a great opportunity to build friendships (and flirt) and now it’s just isolation time. In relationships, it’s incredibly common for one or both partners to complain about the other’s phone use. The most common fight is whether it’s okay or not for the one to be on their phone while the couple is sitting together watching TV together because the disengagement to be on the phone typically feels like a form of rejection by the other. Phones are like dynamite to our lives; they can be useful, but they can lead to a lot of damage.
- Meanness: It’s amazing how often I’ve heard people admit they did something mean to their partner, but instead of remorse, they justify it: “But they…” or “But they didn’t…” Meanness is purposely hurting someone whether because misery loves company, hurt people hurt people, or it’s simply payback. If we’re ever purposely mean to someone, whatever the reason even if it’s fueled by tiredness, a bad day, or stress, we should feel terrible for it. Instead, most purposely mean people (i.e. people who know they’re being mean and not someone who is interpreted as mean when that’s not their intention) brush it off. Meanness should break our hearts as much, if not more, than it breaks the hearts of the recipients, but it rarely does. Meanness destroys families, friendships, and communities, yet it runs rampant.
- Money Addiction: The number one sin Jesus talked about was money. According to Google one in ten verses in the Gospels is about money and 11-16 of the 38 parables are money related. How often did he talk about sex? He mentioned lust once, which is tied to the dangers of hating someone being like murder, so it was only kind of about sex. Traditionally, what sin does the church worry more about the most? Sex. What sin gets a free pass? Money. Some churches are even afraid to push tithing when giving back to God is biblical. Money is connected to so many evils from greed, revenge, envy, murder, affairs, depression, etc. yet it often gets ignored. I was very blessed to be raised in a family that valued tithing (i.e. giving 10%) because it’s about making sure our priority is God and not money or security. Of course, tithing is only one aspect of money. I struggle with fearing debt, which makes me at risk of overworking in order to pay it off as fast as possible. I have to be careful not to let my mentality of “Make hay while the sun shines” to prevent me from engaging enough with my family. There’s a fine line between being responsible and obsession.
This week may you consider if you have any dangerous sins being hidden by something else.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)
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