I recently got into a fight with someone… not like a real fight; it was a sissy fight. You know the kind where you pretend to be friendly when underneath the facade you’re both really angry. It started to get a little heated though because he brought out the word “frig’n,” so it was on. That’s one bad f word. It’s not the f- bomb, but it’s like… a sharp pencil; it’s the f-poker. Frig’n crazy right? My apologies for such sharp word use… and for the cheap pun. So what was this fight over? He tried to convince me that fruit is a dessert? Can you believe that? Yes, this was a lame fight, but the important thing is that I won… although, I was guaranteed to win because the fight was actually with myself; it was between my brain and my guilty conscious: (guilty conscious) “You should eat fruit for dessert and leave the cake.” (brain) “Forget you. I might eat fruit, but that’s just to loosen the pipes… if you know what I mean.” (If you read last week’s blog I said that this statement ‘if you know what I mean’ is always assumed to be sexual; I think I just proved myself wrong. This case has nothing to do with being sexual and with a whole other matter… if you know what I mean). Fruit is not a dessert. Fruit is… fruit. Fruit comes from the ground. Dessert, unfortunately, does not. It needs to be blended, baked, frozen or something more than picked, washed and consumed. Eating too much dessert will make you fat. Eating too much fruit will make you… regular and beyond. Dessert can kill you (although it’s not a scary Halloween costume: “Oh no complex carbohydrates!”). Eating fruit won’t kill you… it might keep you on the toilet, which I guess could kill you, but how often do you hear: “He kept eating fruit until it killed him”?
Fruit is also different because it can be used to make juice: apple, peach, raspberry, Clay Aiken (that sounds grosser than I meant). Dessert can’t be made into juice… I wish. The closest thing we have to dessert juice is milkshakes and cake mix…hmmm. As a kid I tried to convince my parents that these were healthy drinks, but they never went for it… and as good as cake mix may taste, in the summer heat it’s not very refreshing.
Furthermore, fruit is a name I’ve been called because I’m artsy. No one calls me dessert… I wish… then again, calling a guy a dessert is fruity. Most guys don’t appreciate being called ‘cupcake’, ‘sweetie pie’, ‘sweet cakes’, or ‘apple turnover’. The only exception is if a farm animal is somehow included in the title like ‘beef cake’, ‘stud muffin’, ‘pork pie’ or ‘bull biscotti’. The last two aren’t very popular choices for very obvious reasons.
The biggest reason why fruit is not dessert is because fruit is in the Canada food guide as part of one of the four major food groups. Dessert is not meant to be in the health guide. It’s supposed to be a treat; it’s sooo good because it’s sooo bad for you like Britney Spears or Miley Cyrus. Dessert is meant to make us feel guilty pleasure for eating it. It’s a little daring. I live on the wild side don’t I? (Daring person #1) “I live dangerously; I race motorcycles.” (daring person #2) “I live dangerously; I swim with sharks.” (Daring person #3) “I live dangerously, I eat pie for breakfast.” (Daring persons #1 and #2) “Whoa.”
Finally, I know fruit isn’t dessert because I often feel like dessert and I rarely feel like fruit. The only exception is if I’ve had too much dessert and crave something healthier. This leads to the point of this article: feelings are liars… yes, I know I’m stretching this connection.
Feelings are liars. Just because you feel like something doesn’t mean you should have it. If we let our feelings take control, we’re going to get in trouble. We need to use our brains to keep our feelings in check. For instance, just because you don’t feel like eating spinach doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have it. If it’s the right thing to do, do it. I may not feel like being patient and nice to my girlfriend when she’s hurt me, but that’s the right thing to do, so I should do it. The big reason is in these cases in the long run I’ll be better off not doing what I felt like and doing the ‘right’ thing. Our feelings tend to want instant satisfaction, which is why logic often needs to step in and do what’s right in the long run.
Beware of the cravings your body tells you it wants. You may feel like a Kit Kat, but that doesn’t mean you should have one. Give yourself a break and don’t have the extra calories. Following our feelings will often lead us to get in trouble, but the good news is your mind is stronger than them… if you let it be. The only way hard things are done is by forcing ourselves to do them. No one feels like having a colonoscopy, but you need one once in awhile so you just do it. Beware of giving your feelings too much power over your life. The great thing is we may not feel like doing something that involves being responsible and working hard, but we might start to enjoy it after we begin doing it or we’ll feel good when it’s done. It’s like getting up in the morning. We may not want to, but once we get moving it’s not so bad. Use your brain to control your heart and use your heart to limit your brain (being too logical is dangerous too, but we’ll talk about that another week).
This week may you start to see that your feelings are not as trustworthy as we would like to think, and may you start to use your mind to put your feelings back into check.
Rev Chad David, Emotional Sex, emotional tune up