Many people don’t realize that the words “Will you marry me?” are another way of saying “There’s a storm coming.” Getting engaged is like being hit by a hurricane because it’s always a lot more damaging and harder to endure than people expect. Instead of rain and sleet, however, you’re pounded by questions and a tidal wave of decisions that need to be made. It’s almost impossible to get engaged and not feel overwhelmed at some point. It’s like that young guy who thinks it’ll be cool to tie himself to a tree to experience a hurricane head on. He goes in thinking this will be great, but when the storm hits he starts to question his choice. When the storm arrives it always starts slow giving a false sense of security to its victims, but it soon picks up ferocity. In the case of being engaged, it starts slowly with questions; questions like “When’s the big day?” “Are you pregnant?” “But isn’t he gay?” The second phase of the storm is an overwhelming flood of advertisements and suggestions for what to do for the wedding. Sometimes a bridal show can be fun and helpful, but other times it leaves you second guessing everything you’ve been thinking and planning and/or it can hit you with this wave that feels like you’re getting buried: (new bride) “Oh my goodness, there’s so much I have to do and think about!” Often the hardest hit of the storm is the dreaded invitation list as you filter through family, friends and obligations. Obligations are people like your Uncle Brian who really isn’t your uncle, but you were told to call him “uncle” as a child because he was a family friend, and even though he’s not close to you now since he got a new “friend” and is busy doing Uncle Brian things the problem is you don’t want to offend him so you send an invitation. Obligations can also be the people who invited you to their wedding years ago and now, even though you haven’t talked since their wedding, one of you feels you need to invite them to yours… or you’re inviting them because you feel they owe you a good wedding gift because you gave them one. Regardless, making the wedding invite list holds a wide assortment of potential fighting points: Do we invite kids? What about babies? What if one of you wants to invite an ex? What if one of you has family who hates the other? What about the alcoholic uncle who is bound to make a scene? What about the two feuding family members you’re still connected to? What about people you know won’t give you a good gift? These questions are why a destination wedding is appealing.
Here are three great suggestions for making your wedding day easier to plan:
- Make a goal for your wedding day that you both agree on. This is a one sentence line you can focus on to make decisions about the day easier. For instance, “This is my one special day and I will go all out to make it spectacular,” “I want everyone I’ve ever cared about to be part of my day even if I have to skimp on certain things to make it happen,” and “I just want a simple wedding with a few important people.” Making a goal the guy likes can be hard because most guys typically have one of two thoughts: “As long as my partner is happy I’m happy” or “It’s one day, so let’s keep it cheap; I don’t want to be going in debt for this.” Being able to choose a goal that works for both of you will help reduce fighting and help you not feel guilty for saying no to things.
- Hire a really good wedding officiant… hey, what do you know? I’m a really good wedding officiant.
- Hire a great DJ service like www.5150entertainment.ca.
The best thing about the engagement storm is it puts the couple into a position where they can see where their relationship is really strong and where it needs work. After all, sunny days don’t show you where your house leaks; that’s what storms are for. If all else fails just remember it always works out.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, Learn to love dumb people