Happy Easter: Here’s a blog about birth and renewal. If you’d rather something more religious you can click here for one I wrote last month.
A few weeks ago I posted this song on my personal wall, and the comments were largely asking how I’m still alive. To be honest, there was a time in my relationship when this would’ve put me in the hospital and/or made me single again. Fortunately, I’m not in the hospital and I’m still married. I’m even comfortably sleeping in my own bed and not on the couch. And yes, my wife’s seen the song. There is one major reason for this, and that’s my wife feels safe with me, which stems from the fact she feels loved, and knows what I’m saying comes from a heart of good intentions and free of malice. Her feeling this way leads to our relationship being in a great spot. My wife and I have been together for almost thirteen years, and like all long term relationships there have been ups and downs. Fortunately, I’ve found a way to keep the ups more frequent than the downs, which you’d expect of someone who’s a therapist. A lot of these tools are what I write about each week, but I would have to say the two most helpful posts I’ve made for relationships are about listening (Listening Part 1 & Listening Part 2). I highly recommend checking these out for practical tips for being a better listener and conversationalist, especially if you’re a guy. It doesn’t take much to be amazing at having a conversation that’s concise (there’s something a guy can appreciate), with limited emotional expressions (there’s another thing a guy can appreciate), with a reduced chance of the past being used against you (have I gotten your attention yet?), and reduce criticism (yes, it’s that good). Helping someone feel heard, helps people feel loved, and increases the likelihood of being in a safe place with each other in the relationship. Knowing how to listen is a major part of why my wife feels so safe with me.
Not only is this song a sign that my wife feels safe with me, it’s a sign that I feel safe with her. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be able to write something like this if things weren’t going well in our relationship because playful joking can only come from a place of trust. Mood inspires writing. If things were in a rough patch, I’d be writing a whole other song… a song I wouldn’t be posting because some honesty is best kept private. There’s a side tip for people who post overly personal things online. Talking about your dirty laundry after it’s been cleaned up can help you seem relatable and give you insight to share that in turn helps you connect with others. Meanwhile sharing your dirty laundry while it’s dirty is a good way to scare people away or draw in gossips.
This week may you enjoy being in an up time in your relationship or able to consider how you can return to it.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people