Last week I posted my favourite wedding lines from 2016, and this is the continuation. Couples gave me so many great lines I had to divide them into two posts… or is there a third one too? Oooh, a cliff hanger. This also gave me more time to spend working on my book, which my goal is to finish in 2017. I hope you’ve been able to pick a goal to do this year in order to have a target whether connecting with someone more, finishing a project, reduce debt, or implementing an exercise routine (the better goal is to have a routine of working out say twice a week, which allows you to start fresh every week. For the best results we need measurable goals and not just pleasant statements like “I want to be happier.” What does that mean? Saying I will talk to my mom once a week, visit a friend every Saturday, go to church 20 times, etc. is measureable and, therefore, encourages success.
May this year be a blessing as doing weddings was a blessing for both me.
Rev. Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people
Now that she knows John, Jen said the one thing she really loves is, and I quote, “John is knowledgeable… if that’s a word…” yes, yes it is.
(groom is 10 years older than bride) I also learned a few other things like Jen loves Elvis, Johnny Cash, and the movie Turner and Hooch, so she loves things that are old (look at groom)… get it? Old?
And my favourite line that came out of our meetings was by Jen who said if you don’t want your man to cheat on you, date someone a lot older because they won’t have the energy to be with another woman. Fantastic advice; my much younger wife would also agree.
The thing I found really interesting about Craig is he’s Australian, which kind of makes him like Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman because his lack of Australian accent is really disappointing.
In regards to Mattie, I learned that she hates shopping malls… which is probably one of the sexiest things I’ve heard a girl say; instead, she loves gardening, and cooking and cleaning, which means she’s the youngest looking 70 year old I’ve ever met.
In regards to Nickie, she told me she doesn’t have FaceBook, so I’m not sure if she’s actually human… or she really just doesn’t like me and afraid I’ll try to friend her.
The funniest thing Danielle said was that she doesn’t like John saying that she’s prettier than him… because apparently she doesn’t like the truth.
When I asked if they wanted to do personal vows the response was “We don’t know. We could do vows or we could watch Netflix.” That’s true dedication, but I have to give them credit for honesty.
Pat prefers cats over dogs why? As he said “Because they’re simple and they go in a litter box.” I didn’t ask, but I’m guessing that’s not why he likes Jess. That would be strange.
One of the funniest things that Mel said was “I don’t know how Dave passed my criteria for a first date… and I’m really not sure how he got a 2nd date. The first date we drove around Binbrook and at one point we stopped so he could show me the local dump.” Heart breaker; that’s like Disneyland. As someone told my wife at our wedding, I can’t judge Chad for being the way he is but I can judge you his wife for choosing to be with him. Mel that may be applicable here too. I should point out that Mel made a promise that if Dave causes any problems, she will knee him in the groin… that’s the first time a bride has promised that.” What is marriage about?… wearing a jock. Dave and Mel said a lot of very funny things, but my fav thing was by Dave who said “I don’t think even I can ruin this relationship.” Which is kind of sweet. He then added something that ruined all sweetness: “I don’t think even I can ruin this relationship. She’s either stupid or I’m way better than I was with my first wife” um… that might be close to getting a knee in the groin. For those of you wondering Dave does have a romantic side. When we were talking about promising for better or worse, I asked what would be a deal breaker and he said “There’s nothing Mel can do to make me leave her” which is very romantic. Mel then said – what if I took a bat to your good truck? There was a pause… and then Dave looked deep into Mel’s eyes and said “I would never leave you… but I may not be allowed at your funeral.”
Marriage, as Tom defined it, is making a noose and finding a tree. Very poetic. He should write Hallmark cards. Marriage is like death only more expensive and painful. Happy wedding day here’s a toaster you can bring into the tub with you.
I’ve done a lot of weddings but this is the first one that is at risk of breaking the law. No Tom and Fanny aren’t brother and sister, but Smithville has and I quote a “hoot’n and holler’n fine” which sounds like something you would find in a town where brothers and sisters are also husbands and wives… you know like in Dunnville. Tom and Fanny are definitely not from Dunnville, but they don’t always have the best ideas like today they have given the wedding rings, the most expensive items of the day, to a 2 ½ year old to hold onto. I don’t know kids very well, but I’m guessing 2 ½ years old isn’t the same as saying he’s 2 ½ times more responsible.
I also learned a few other things like the first time the couple met was at a bar in St Catharines where Matt went by himself. He’s that much man that he went by himself… or he’s that weird; tomato–tomaato. Fortunately he became a hero when an actual creeper was bugging Lynn and her friends and Matt was brought in to save them from him. Today’s wedding is ultimately because of a creepy guy who was annoying a group of girls. God bless you creepy guy; you changed two lives. Their story is like the plotline suited for a romantic comedy movie because Matt met the love of his life but Matt was in a relationship… duhn duhn duhn. He eventually leaves this girl for Lynn, but Lynn just happened to start a relationship with another guy… oh no. Broken hearted, Matt moves to Quebec, you know the place where everyone loves English speaking people, until several years later a song reminds Lynn of Matt, aaahhh, she messages him and he just happens to be coming home to the area for a few days. It was then they went on a date; where? Obviously, the roller derby, which I didn’t know was even a thing in this area. He then returns to Quebec and after 2 months of wooing her over the phone with readings from Harry Potter, kinky, they are officially united. Their love story culminates with Matt trying to propose. I say “try” because he didn’t actually propose the first time; Lynn ring blocked his plans. Then he tries again… only to be ring blocked by Lynn who is like a ninja at preventing proposals. Matt actually proposes on his third attempt in front of an audience of mosquitoes, romantic… and Lynn answered “Of course I will you a-s-s.” Which is arguably not the answer guys dream about when they propose. And here we are today. Matt persevered, however, because he’s so much man. How much man is Matt? He convinced Lynn to watch one of his favourite shows, Gilmour Girls. You have to be manly to admit that’s your favourite show.