New Years Eve was a great night for me because it reminded me of a really important lesson: I am… how do you say… really boring. My girlfriend fully agrees with this statement. Please understand I don’t say that I’m boring with any regret or disappointment… my girlfriend would. I’m happy to be boring. I have no problem saying I don’t like clubs whether as a place to go or a tool to hit me. What’s considered cool and fun is not “fun” to me. When I was younger, yeah, I liked going to bars or clubs. I hated being there, but I liked going because there would be hope of seeing hot girls, and maybe even having a chance to talk to them… yeah, I had this problem remembering that you can’t talk at clubs because it’s too noisy. Fortunately, I don’t mind the music at clubs anymore because I’m a proud owner of good quality ear plugs – my girlfriend isn’t proud of this. Now when I leave the club, I no longer hear a buzzing sound the rest of the night like some type of siren that won’t go away (this sound is actually a sign that you now have permanent hearing damage that can’t be repaired). I used to love the idea of going out to places because I wanted to meet a girl, but now I have one… so why would I want to go to a club? It’d be more fun if I took satisfaction in dancing with my girlfriend as a way to say: “Ha ha suckers. I’m man enough to maintain a relationship and don’t need to go to a bar in the hopes of finding a lonely and/or desperate girl willing to trade dignity for temporary hormonal satisfaction.” I can’t do this because I’m too kind to do that… and I don’t want to get beat up… and when I dance with my girlfriend the general response is: “He better be rich to be with her.”
I stated that I’m boring, but I would say I’m boring in the conventional way. I still have fun. For instance, I had a great time at the bar/club because there was a TV on. No it wasn’t sports. It was so much better than sports – yes, as a man I can say that something is better than sports. The show was a montage of work out and aerobic stars of the early 80s. With pant lines up to their rib cages, women with big hair or short curly puffs of hair on their heads and chest – I’m pretty sure Richard Simmons is a woman – were encouraging you to work out and buy their product. There was Tony Little and OJ Simpson pre ‘oh I can’t do that even though I’m a celebrity trial’. There was Cher before the surgery hobby began. There was John Travolta in a sumo squat position flicking his hips forward that created a type of bell like swinging motion of… you know… “concealed” by what appeared to be partially worn through boxer shorts. My apologies to women everywhere; men are anatomically disgusting. God didn’t design men to be the sexy gender, ew. There was also Jean-Claude Van Damme doing the splitz in spandex showing off his tight butt – can I say that? There was even Mark Walberg when he was more funky and less hot – I definitely can’t say that – I mean he was more ripped… I mean whatever a straight man can say to describe a guy he wouldn’t want to stand beside on a beach. No matter of sucking in can give me the needed 2 pack I could hope for. Yes, I know men want a six pack, but I figured two was as farfetched as I could go for my current condition. But who wants a six pack when… you don’t drink? Yes, this truth adds to my lack of appreciation for the clubs… that and I’m really cheap. That’s a bad combo for going out.
There were two big issues that came up while watching this show. The first is I was watching while on the dance floor and I have this thing where I subconsciously mimic what I’m watching so during the prego shuffle – yes this was an actual dance – I realized I was also doing the prego shuffle. This was not a sexy move; although arguably no less sexy than my usual lack of coordinated spasms. The other problem was my girlfriend was wondering why I was more interested in watching people with less fashion sense than me jazzersizing than focusing on her and our small group of friends. Fortunately, she was able to help me see that as entertaining as this show was – it made me glad I missed that time period – my priority needed to be making sure that she felt loved and was having fun.
Too often in our relationships we get comfortable and we stop trying to impress our partner. I used to go out thinking: “How can I impress someone?” whereas now I was more concerned with: “How do I have fun?” If my goal was to help my girlfriend have fun like her goal was for me, I would’ve been enjoying myself without the TV’s help. I no longer needed to go to the club to pick up because I already had someone, someone every single guy… and some not single… would do anything for because she was beautiful and looked great dancing. Thus, New Years was a great night to remind me that even though I’m boring I’m blessed with a wonderful woman who loves me in all my boringness, and as I am blessed, I need to help her feel blessed to have me. I need to be careful not to get complacent and forget that part of my job as her boyfriend is to make her proud to be my girlfriend.
May this New Year be a time for you to find love or to rejuvenate the love you already have because finding someone to call your partner is a wonderful thing. May you work at being a blessing for the one who is a blessing for you.