I am getting old. Did any of you see the new Spiderman movie? This is how I know I’m getting old. Spiderman is swinging from building to building, which is cool right? No, no it’s not cool. It’s irresponsible. I’m watching him swing around and all I can think is: who’s going to clean up after him? He keeps spraying his web stuff everywhere making a stringy mess of the city so someone has to clean it up; he’s not. I’m pretty sure that stuff isn’t biodegradable. It’d have to have a good shelf life because Spiderman can’t be: swing, swing, rain, melt, ah! He can’t have that. That web stuff has to last, so someone will have to scrape it off. Spiderman isn’t a hero, he’s a litterer. He doesn’t give a hoot, he pollutes. People think Spiderman is swinging around thinking to himself: “Look at me; I’m going to save the day.” But no, he’s thinking: “I’m littering and no one cares; this is awesome.” Spiderman needs to learn how to walk, ride a bicycle, or maybe take public transit. If nothing else, he should save his money (or rob a bank; who’s going to stop him?) so he can drive a cool car like Batman or maybe he should get a real superpower like Superman; one that doesn’t involve polluting.
If Spiderman was real, he’d be getting sued by the building owners. The mess he’s making is not going to be covered by insurance. Sure he stops a crime, but where’s his ticket for littering? I’d be angry as the building owner, especially if I was one of the popular spots for Spiderman to swing from because with all the strands it’d look like the building had dreadlocks… or I guess it’d be more like an old man with stringy white hair… and I guess a bald patch on top. That’s not a look you see too often. A bald man with side dreads. Sweet choice. But the building owners would need to clean the strands off the building because they’d be a liability. If there were Spiderman webs on a building you know people would be trying to swing on them… oops lawsuit. Plus, you’d have collectors trying to get the strands to sell as souvenirs or maybe as string toys for lions at the zoo. Either way, people would be risking their safety if the web strands were available. The rich building owners would be better off making their buildings web proof so Spiderman’s web stuff wouldn’t stick to them. Whether they give him a warning would depend how mad they were about having their buildings cleaned.
See why I think I’m getting old? Talk about a buzz kill. (person) “Hey Chad, did you see the new Spiderman movie?” (me) “You mean the movie where a so-called superhero is killing our environment? Yeah. Want to hear what I have to say about his irresponsible ways?” (Person) “Okay, see you later.” Maybe the problem is I was already upset because the movie was a rip off of another movie I saw a couple years ago… I think it was called Spiderman and it was a trilogy… oh yeah, it was. Or maybe I’m upset that despite there being two Spiderman movie versions they are yet to use an attractive girl for the lead role. At least the people who made Transformers knew enough to use hot girls to distract people from how terrible the writing actually was.
Can you feel how negative I’m becoming? My apologies, but can you see why I know I’m getting older? I’m starting to get more nitpicky. It’s like I’m slowly turning into the stereotype of the old man on his rocker watching from his porch to make sure no one steps on his grass. As we get older we like certain things a certain way and the change we continually face threatens this; thus, we become defensive. Ultimately, the challenge of aging is to seek the positive, especially since it seems to become more and more of a challenge.
This idea that as we get older we tend to be more nitpicky is important for relationships because there is a high probability of us becoming more nitpicky with our partner. This is something we need to be trying to prevent. Our partner is not meant to be our pin cushion for judgement, but our support to help us be all we can be. The best way to prevent this from happening is to develop the habit of finding the good in our partner now because this will help prevent our need to become nitpicky with the small things in the future because we will realize the overall good he or she provides.
This week, may you and your partner both begin to see all the good you do for each other, and may this be a catalyst for you to want to do even more good things for each other in the future.
By Rev. Chad, www.emotionalsex.ca